The Cox Family Webpage

We're moving back to Oklahoma!!! Eric got a new job working with Boeing out at Tinker AFB so we're relocating one last time. We are so very excited here we can barely contain it.

We're not sure of any of the details yet. Eric has to have a background check and get a security clearance so we have no idea when he'll start. We don't foresee any problems with it, just a matter of paperwork. All we know is that he got the job and he's going to accept it.

Even though moving this time is going to be tough (i.e., Kera's medical) it is soooo going to be worth it. My little girls are going to get the chance to know their extended family. That in itself is priceless.

Hopefully we'll be able to move into a house. We definitely need more space and it's about time to make the big investment. We won't be moving again after this, so I feel confident that it's time to make the commitment into a house again. (By the way, we backed out of the house in Cibolo a month ago)

I feel so relieved. Our streak of bad luck is over! We've had such a rough year it's about time something good happened. Eric has worked so hard he really deserves this. He was so stressed out because he wanted this job so bad and was afraid he wouldn't get it. But he did!

More details to come as we figure stuff out!

Today would have been Kera's due date. Instead, I am the proud mother of a 6 lb 5 oz 3 month old miracle baby.

I can't explain how I feel today. In some respects, today is a day like any other. But it's not. Today is the due date. Today was the day I looked forward to throughout the whole NICU stay. "If we can just make it to her due date, she'll be fine." And she is, with the exception of the oxygen and monitor.

Maybe now I'll be able to stop reliving the traumatic birth experience. I want to just let it go. I don't want to forget it happened, but I want to get to the point where it doesn't keep haunting me. I don't think about it much during the day because the girls keep me so busy, but it gets worse at night. Especially when Eric is working the night shift (like tonight). I keep replaying it in my head with a million different "what if" scenarios. I keep remembering that odd feeling right before the seizure started where I could tell something wasn't right and my mind slowed down and got all fuzzy. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

I'm trying to focus on the positive. I'm so proud of my little girls. Kera is such a fighter. She's going to be fine. She'll catch up to her age eventually, and you won't be able to tell she was so tiny. Kaylee is being such a good helper and has taken all of the craziness in stride, making mommy smile the whole time. My family is complete. That is something to be proud of.

Things are still going well here. It's amazing how little time there is with 2 little girls to take care of. Kaylee is really enjoying being a big sister. She loves to help me change Kera's diaper and to giver her sister kisses. She's not too fond of holding Kera, but that's understandable with the oxygen and monitor.

Kera is up to 6 lb! We went to the pulmonologist last week, and he wants to keep Kera on oxygen for a while. She doesn't really need it to sustain her breathing anymore, but when she's on it she doesn't have to work as hard so she can grow better. It's hard, but we're learning to be more patient. One of these days she'll be just like a normal baby. Of course, she may be a toddler by then! ;o)

Other than that, Eric's been working a lot and we're patiently waiting for our house to be built. Our apartment is so cramped it's almost comical. I don't think we can fit anything else in here. Being forced to live like this is going to allow us to appreciate having a house! I think I'm mostly looking forward to a nice backyard for Kaylee to run around in. She will really enjoy having that little bit of freedom. I know I shouldn't wish away time, but I just can't wait for October so we can move and get settled and finally feel like we're at home. This apartment definitely feels like temporary housing. Not to mention the fact that tiny apartment + lots of stuff + toddler + new baby = impossible to keep clean. It's driving me crazy!

Well, I have to cut this off now. It's almost time to feed Kera again. We still have to wake her up to eat. It's odd to have to set your alarm clock to wake you up to feed the baby at night, but she needs to eat and she won't always wake up by herself. She's starting to get there, but until she can do it consistently, we have to wake her up. Once she gets bigger and can eat more at once, she'll be able to sleep a little longer and wake up by herself. Until then, it's every three hours. She won't be sleeping through the night anytime soon. But that's okay. At least she's doing well.

Kera was released from the NICU on May 2, 2006 one whole month before her due date! She's doing amazingly well considering everything she's been through. She's still on oxygen and an apnea monitor, and will be for some time. She's also on inhalers and will be on those for a long time, maybe even into her toddler years.

She's doing well at home. She is up to 4 lb 9.5 oz . A nurse comes over to our house 3 times a week to check on her so we'll see how much weight she's gained since coming home. Kaylee loves being a big sister. She's gotten the hang of being gentle around her little sister and gives her hugs and kisses. She's a good helper too.

There's a lot more going on, but obviously we're a little busy around here at the moment.

I don't know where to start. So much keeps changing so fast, that by the time I type something it's going to be outdated.

Kera has had a great week, for the most part. She's down to only a 1/2 liter of 100% oxygen on a regular low flow nasal canula. She's off a lot of the meds they were giving her - some of them, I didn't even know she was getting. She's up to 3 lb 15.2 oz and doesn't need quite so much added to her milk, now it's only 24 cal/oz instead of 30.

On Thursday, they switched her to all bottle feedings. They took the limit off of what she can eat as long as she eats a minimum of 28 cc every three hours.

I was pretty pleased with her progress. Then, Friday afternoon I get a call from Walgreens Home Health care. At first I thought it was a telemarketer, so I was about to hang up until they said it was in regards to the baby. They were trying to set up a time to teach me and Eric how to use the oxygen and apnea monitor for Kera. I was completely confused. I had no idea what he was talking about. The guy said we were supposed to be rooming in with Kera at the hospital on Monday night. I thought it had to be a mistake - because Kera isn't supposed to go home until end of May/beginning of June, so why would we need to do all of this now?

So, I had to wait until the NICU opened up again (they were closed for shift change). Finally, I called and her nurse confirmed it - the Dr ordered rooming in for Monday night. She explained to me that rooming in is where Eric and I will go up to the hospital and stay the night. We will take an infant CPR class, learn how to use the oxygen and apnea monitor, and take care of Kera all night without any assistance. Once we do that, she will be able to go home. I was shocked. How could she have progressed so quickly? How can she be ready to come home already? We're not ready for her.

I called Eric, panicking. He didn't believe me at first, but the nurse confirmed it! Well, Eric was supposed to work overtime all weekend but he arranged it so he could be off so we could try to get things ready for Kera. We had to dig a lot of things out of storage and sterilized them. We had to go buy things that didn't survive Kaylee but we hadn' replaced. We had to find a sitter so we could both stay the night at the hospital.

While we're doing all this, I noticed when I was visiting Kera that she was acting really sleepy and she wouldn't finish her whole bottle. The nurse had to give her the rest of her milk through the feeding tube. I took this to be a sign that she isn't mature enough to be thinking about rooming in or going home, but the day nurse said it shouldn't make a difference. I didn't believe her. She's new and from a staffing agency. She has no idea what she's talking about.

Last night, the night nurse again confirmed that after rooming in, Kera will be allowed to go home the next day, in the afternoon after the doctor sees her again. I again expressed my concerns that because she's not finishing her bottles, that it's just too much for her and she's not ready. She said that the doctor won't send her home if she's not ready, so the rooming in might have to be moved.

This afternoon, Eric called to check on Kera. She was so tired that they skipped the bottle at the noon feeding and gave it to her through the tube. (Duh - I've been telling them this for 2 days now). The nurse (yet another nurse, she has a different one every time) then goes on to say that there was never an order for Kera to go home, and we should have known that. She made it sound like we were dumb for even thinking that Kera was coming home. Nevermind that every medical person I've seen all weekend has told me that Kera's getting ready to go home - *we* should have known that that's not the truth. Yes, we are aware that things can change. But, how are we supposed to know that things have changed if NO ONE TELLS US?!?!

Eric's visiting Kera now. I'm sure that everything has changed. I'm just so tired of this. I'm tired of asking the same question 3 different times to 3 different nurses and getting 3 different answers. I'm tired of not being able to get to talk to the doctor because they are never there at the same time as me. I'm tired of not being able to visit more often because Eric has to work so much and we have no help with Kaylee. I'm tired of dealing with everything all by myself.

Tonight Mitch and Katie are coming over after they get out of church and they are going to sit with Kaylee (she'll probably already be in bed by then) and Eric and I are going to go see Kera together. It'll be the first time since Dad was here that we'll have been able to go and visit at the same time. Hopefully that will help me feel a little better.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not upset that she can't come home yet. If she's not ready I don't want to push her. I'm just really tired of this emotional rollercoaster. I'm always the last one to know what's going on with *my* baby. I'm not used to feeling so out of the loop.

We've had a good couple of days around here. Kera is finally starting to show some improvements. The doctor said that just when we thought her condition would never change, she'd start to improve, and he was right!

Let's start with Monday. They decided to start trying to wean Kera off of her oxygen. She was at 4 L (per minute) and they turned it down to 3 L. She handled it very well! Basically the flow was so high to help keep her lungs inflated, and she's breathing better now so she doesn't need quite so much help. Plus, they decided to start trying to feed Kera with a bottle instead of a tube! They started slowly, only 1 bottle per day. I didn't get to do it myself since it was her first one, but I was able to be there to watch. Kera did great! She took her whole 25 cc feeding through a bottle! I got a couple of pictures too :o)

Now, on to Tuesday. I was expecting all of the changes from Monday to have worn her out a bit so I didn't think we'd see any more changes for a while. I was wrong. Tuesday they turned her oxygen down to 2 L and she handled that pretty well too! Also, the doctor was so impressed with how she handled the bottle that he upped it to 2 bottles per day! The best part is, last night they let me give her a bottle! I was so excited! You'd think it was the first time I had ever fed a bottle to a baby! lol

Again, Kera did great. She ate 25 cc in about 5 minutes, including burp breaks. She really likes the bottle. I am so relieved!

She still has a long way to go before she can come home, but it makes me happy to see these changes in the right direction. I know we'll probably have some setbacks, but right now I'm just enjoying watching my baby grow.

We'll see what today brings. She may be a little worn out because with only 2 L of oxygen, she has to work harder to breathe. Her weight has plateaued a little - she's 3 lb 6.6 oz. But, it's nothing to worry about. She's just trying to do so much at once, she's burning off as many calories as she's eating.

Boy, am I exhausted.

That pretty much sums it up. Having a baby in the hospital is draining. Add to that an active toddler and a husband working 72+ hours per week and you have a recipe for disaster. Oh, wait...that's a recipe for my life.

I get up, get Kaylee taken care of, pump, try to get a little housework done (ha!) or run errands, pump again, get Kaylee lunch and down for her afternoon nap, go to the hospital, come home, pump some more, make dinner, clean up, get Eric off to work, get Kaylee ready for bed, pump some more, go to bed, get up again to pump even more, go back to bed, then get up and start it over again. That's it. No time to spend with Eric. No time to relax. No days off.

Eric doesn't have it any better. He works a 12 hour shift, comes home and tries to sleep with Kaylee interrupting him with noise and me interrupting him when I go to the hospital, gets up and gets ready for work, eats, goes to work and does it all again. He misses Kera terribly.

I know it won't always be like this. I know it will get better. I know we are extrememly lucky to have all survived this ordeal. Somehow, that doesn't seem to be making it any easier though.

At least we can pride ourselves in the fact that Kaylee isn't being too affected by all of this. Other than knowing that mommy and daddy are gone more often, not much has changed for her. We still make time for playing and cuddles. That's why the house is messier than usual but I think it's worth it. It just doesn't help much with my exhaustion...

Kera is doing well. She is up to 2 lb 11.9 oz, so she's gained about a pound in 5 weeks. She is up to 21 ml every 3 hours for her feedings, and is tolerating it well. She had her eyes checked this week and they are developing normally. They'll be checked every 2 weeks until her retinas are fully developed. She's starting to look a little better and is tolerating being held. Eric went in one day this week after his shift and held her for the first time. I wish I had gotten a picture, but since he went straight from work he didn't have the camera with him.

About the only thing keeping us going is the thought of Kera coming home. I keep picturing in my mind what Christmas is going to be like this year. Kera will be home and we'll be moved into our house and we can finally all be together and relax.